Top 10 Biggest Pet Peeves from AMP RAs

Oct 14 2012
Every so often (at least for me), I encounter a relaxation assistant (RA) who just rubs me the WRONG way. It only happens like once every 10 visits or so..but enough that I have kept a list of my biggest pet peeves and what annoys me the most when visiting an AMP. Here they are my top 10 pet peeves, with #1 being a complete deal breaker!

10.  You call the massage parlor, they say a specific girl is going to be there...you show up and you see like 2-3 grandmas waiting for you. Complete bait and switch. It happens less at AMPs than with escorts, but this is still a VERY big problem.

9.  The RA picks up their cell phone in the middle of a session. Seriously?!? Can they at least wait until after I'm done? The worse was when I was on bottom and a girl was talking to her bf for like 10-15 minutes straight while we were going at it. Granted, this was in Tijuana (and the conversation was in Spanish with her "novio"), but still..majorly fucking annoying.

8. "Sorry hunie...we only do massage here"..after reading the reviews here that she is the nastiest hoe in San Jose. "Sorry hunie..you want HJ? That 's is extra!" "Sorry hunie...you want my top off? That is extra too"..Some places you go to are notoriously known for upselling their suckers (ooops, I meant clients). Stay away from these places unless you don't mind paying a 50% premium for standard service.

7. Clock Watchers. I paid for an hour, give me an hour. Just because I am not a young, Italian stallion anymore..doesn't mean we can't just chat for the remaining 10-15 minutes. I hate it when the MMS knocks on the door to let the customer and RA know to "hurry up."

6. I hate it when the RA comes in with a flattering, sexy-as-hell outfit--only to disappoint me with a padded bra and breasts the size of my 3 year old nephew. This i majorly disappointing. Usually the Korean and Latina MPs deliver the goods--the Chinese ones tend to be offenders more often of pet peeve #6.

5. When the establishment keeps the light down TOO low and I can't even get a good close of the RAs they walk by until it's too late and I am too horned up. Part of the reason this happens, is they ask for the cash up front, usher you quickly into the room and think you will just pick the first one that comes in. Don't do it! Wait until you see all the choices on the menu before deciding which dish to eat.

4. Girls who are drenched in too much perfume, or need deodorant and have some nasty smelling BO. Smell is very important to Mongo. I'm there to relax--not to practice holding my breath and getting jacked off at the same time.

3. Girls that pretend they are in a porno shoot and are having the best sex of their lives. I don't fake it, you shouldn't fake it either. I'm not black, and my dong is NOT the largest or longest you have seen in your life.

2. Girls who give weak massages. I want to relax. I want a decent massage. I don't want to be feather touched. Put some effort into it. Make me feel comfortable. Tease me. Get me erect without having to stroke me. 

and...


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 #1 ... Bad breath. They complain about the hygiene of us mongers, but have they ever thought that bad breath can completely ruin an entire session. I don't want to get a massage from a lady who's mouth smells like an ashtray, nor do I want to feel like I am at a Kim-Chi eating, dim sum restaurant. To avoid this last one, sometimes I offer my RA a mint or some gum. Normally, they get the hint.

So there you have it folks, those are Mongo's top 10 biggest pet peeves while visiting an AMP. 

What are YOUR top 10 pet peeves?

Happy hunting,
Mongo
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Comments:

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11.30.2013 05:12:09
#1 I gotta get a decent massage #2 don't overwash my cock, the fucker is clean, stop staring while you wash as if you're trying to get a birthmark scrubbed off #3 I want to see her before she comes in, don't rush me into a room and give me your pick. I pay, I pick #4 scented lotion, get rid of it, I want to smell the smell and taste the taste #5 don't lower the lights so I can't see you, I wanna see what i'm doing #6 I'm not going to leave a mark, let me nibble, press, and spank without you saying "oh no" #7 if we talk about anal at the beginning you better come through with it #8 I want you to cum, I get off on that, let me hear you enjoy it, get your face out of the pillow #9 keep something on so I can take it off of you #10 don't get up and walk away when I'm done, lay down, rub me a little, make me want to pay a little extra

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09.28.2013 11:59:00
I have some pet peeves people to add to this great list . #1. I hate getting a table shower and the lady burns your ass with hot water or makes your cock shribble up like a turtle because the water is too cold . Just test the water first Ladies ! #2 .This has only happened twice , but it's a straight deal breaker when she farts and doesn't say shit. #3. When she is jacking you off and using her Freddy Krueger nails to scratch up your cock and thinks it's still a good idea to stick those things in my asshole at the same time , I almost slapped her ! #4 When I shoot my load, please thoroughly clean me up , DONT leave gunsmoke hanging of my arm . #5. ladies , I'm not a pretzel , so don't try to make me look like one and stretch my leg behind my head and twisting my balls together in the process or stretch my arms behind my back like im doing the swan dive ... #6 , last but not least , I'm very ticklish on the bottom of my feet, please DONT scrub then with the towel , I might just accidentally kick you in the face. These are my experiences and I know everyone might not agree , but I'm only here to help and join in the conversation ...

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09.25.2013 23:07:45
My strangest experience has been when in the middle of FS with the RA riding me Cowgirl one of the other girls came in with a cell phone and told my rider that she had a call. It was her S/O. She explains to her boyfriend or what ever that I was in her so let her get me off and she would call back. Then she goes on to describe my equipment. She asked me how long my dick was then tells the guy she is talking to, with a giggle, what I have said. The other girl has stood there watching while this conversation goes on then takes the phone, leans over and gives me a quick kiss and leaves. Passing strange.

03

09.23.2013 07:34:34
My husband die in China","My boyfriend in China","My brother(sister) in N.Y. I go visit" Where at ,Flushing? "Oh, you know Flushing." They're all liars.

01

09.21.2013 12:09:32
About 10 years ago I had pal that went to a AMP in Ventura/Oxnard area and on of the providers was a good friend of his daughter, who was going to college. He said he got out of there fast as he could but to this day neither have talked about it.

01

09.18.2013 16:02:38
Mongo, you mentioned Eastern Europe. I wonder if you have any experience with Prague. It seems to have taken over as the Happy Place and the prices seem right. I wish someone would start a Blog on Eastern Europe fun. I went to DR year before last and that was fun but I have a thing for Blonde Blue Eyed Girls.

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09.17.2013 09:29:42
Well for me its bad breath, clock watchers, very crappy 5min massage then start teasing,room too hot or too cold, when II'm trying yo youch her during massage moving my hand then ask if I wanted HE,going too fast on HJ if im actually teased and super horny I don't last long I want too enjoy my money's worth not a min 50mph HJ or getting mad if I'm taking long to orgasm and telling me to hurry up, being massage in same room with another dude

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09.16.2013 19:08:37
My biggest is when they shave their snatch....All Asians have hairy pussies!

21

12.31.2012 15:29:13
Ever notice how some pretend to be so innocent, as if they have never done this work before. I think they want to you feel special to get a bigger tip. Others blame the service limits on the boss, it's not me, it's my prudish boss who won't let me do it. It's like if the boss said OK they would do FS in a heartbeat. C'mon. Still, most of these gals are pretty nice, but there are a few bad apples.

01

kgmail :
12.30.2012 18:43:07
When they leave the room to answer the phone. Happened to me, where she actually left 3 times to answer the phone. When it happened third time she sent in another girl to continue the massage. When she returned the other girl stayed and had a conversation in asian. Then a third girl enters and for awhile I was receiving six hand massage for a few minutes and they continued their asian converstaion. Speak english, ignore the phone and have your staff meeting another time.Did get a HE out of the ordeal. Still only $10 tip.

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12.30.2012 13:23:23
my pet peeve is when you call a girl who you have seen before as a FS provider and make an appointment only to find out when you get there that she is on her "peliod" lol "can not do"

10

12.29.2012 22:38:00
@sinner, seriously, if the girl gives you an excellent massage but declines HE, you would stiff her? You should rethink that for karma sake. @carmoney, seriously, $30 max? Have you noticed the most guys give at least $40 for HJ? REally, how can you blame a hard working girl for asking for money if she does a sincere job. The girls are just trying to make a living and have to deal with all sorts of public. Ever dealt with the public? OK, my pet peeve, a crappy massage followed by a crappy HJ! Gotta get one or the other right!

22

12.28.2012 22:21:21
Big tips for no work is my pet peeve. I don't mind tipping but I believe some girls are getting too greedy out here. I will not leave a tip larger than $30. Anything higher than that is too much. Considering it is illegal to give a HJ is some places anyway plus the work usually does not last longer than 10 minutes. Times are tough right now so the ladies should understand that tipping is optional not mandatory!!!!!!!!!!

31

n0body :
12.21.2012 20:07:23
The awkward small talk that never ends. I know some of these extroverted chicks get lonely and are eager to talk about nothing, but I'm paying you to relax me, not to be annoyed by you. Specially when their English is bad anyways!

01

12.16.2012 06:48:38
A couple of pet peeves that I read can be easily avoided: 1 - Too hard a massage. Tell the lady what type of massage you want: soft, medium or hard. No matter how little English they speak, they will understand that. You're the customer. Tell them what you want. 2 - Getting robbed. I NEVER take my wallet or cell phone into the place. I put the EXACT cash for the room fee in one pocket, and the tip money (know the maximum that you are going to tip BEFORE you go into the place) in another. If the service is not what I expected, then I can adjust the tip by taking out less, while the girl leaves the room during the time that you get dressed. If you show a big wad of money when you arrive, you risk getting ripped off by someone going through your pockets while you are getting a table shower, or another girl enters the room while you're getting the massage. Now, before you go into the place, make sure that you lock your car so that doesn't get broken into! One other thing, shut off your cell phone. If you have a suspicious wife, there are ways to track your whereabouts from your cell phone. I'm not saying that your wife knows how to do that, but she can find out.

01

12.09.2012 23:52:25
i did have one RA leave and return with saran wrap, after a few strokes i pulled out and removed it. BBFS!!!!

01

12.07.2012 09:43:22
The gum is a plus for me; makes me know they care about their breath

01

12.07.2012 01:04:25
Chewing gum dering the message, lol it happen a lot maybe the are covering up the bad breath idk, but it so anyoing.

01

nihao :
12.01.2012 23:16:09
I haven't ever experienced the pet peeves that you are talking about except for MMS banging on the door once. The girl and I were just talking after the deed and mamasan banged on the door telling the girl that time was up. She answered back that she was OK and would let me leave when she was ready. It is so much more fun when you can speak their native language. My only real pet peeve is girls who give too hard of a massage. I recently received a massage that left some minor bruising on my back because he girl started using her elbows, not forearms, to massage me.

10

11.29.2012 19:06:12
Bad Breath is the worse that goes for the civi life too! LOL

00

11.27.2012 08:18:43
#1 for sure. DFK during FS, but she had onion breath. ICK!

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savvoy :
11.26.2012 18:46:40
My biggest pet peeve is the upsellers. But to be honest, I haven't run into an upseller at an AMP yet; they all seem to be American girls. My biggest peeve at the AMP is that the massage usually isn't strong enough.

01

11.26.2012 18:16:33
my pet peeve is at the end of the massage you think shes gonna massage the boys and then she says all done...hey what about the boys..she says i dont do that ..no tip after that

25

11.21.2012 20:50:31
Getting robbed....I had that happen to me in a now defunct place in Gardena. I left my pants (with my wallet) in the shower area. I didn't realize until I was in my car much later that some other cash was missing from my wallet. F***** mamasan must have pinched it while I was in the shower stall.

00

11.14.2012 20:21:22
The additional comments reminded me of move peeves. 1. When another girl comes into the room (don't mind that), but she begins to talk to the one giving you a massage. Total distraction and spoils the mood. When that happens, I tell the one who entered to start working or leave. The tip drops for sure over that. 2. When the girl stops the massage and keeps going in and out of the room.

00

11.08.2012 21:45:02
True story. I ran into my boss walking out as I was walking in. I was laid off 2 weeks later.

06

11.08.2012 16:24:09
I don't like the Saran Wrap trick that some places use for a CBJ. I wonder if they are going to put it in their mouth or the refrigerator. I also don't like it when the girl giggles as you fondle their boobs or on the hunt for their G spot and say they are ticklish. They should be more forthright and just say that they don't want to be touched there. I can understand ticklish feet (I have those), but ticklish private parts is just a bit much and very annoying.

00

jm71 :
11.08.2012 03:57:33
My peeves include hurrying through a FS because the time is coming and I have not. FS is FS, not a HJ to finish me off. Leaving the door open a bit during the session. Only hags working and the hot one(s) off today. A legit massage when place advertises in body rub area of backpage.

04

11.03.2012 09:25:36
It must bother kseeker if they breathe too. Maybe they blink too much...

20

11.03.2012 09:23:02
It must bother kseeker if they breathe too. Maybe they blink too much...

01

11.02.2012 23:38:09
when you grab girl by the hair and her wig comes off...how am i supposed to throw her thru the door?

00

11.02.2012 22:45:03
1) pulling away when trying to touch their leg, 2)HE before decent time for arousal, 3) talking too much (esp when headed to HE), 4) stupid compliments like "you so big honey!" or "your GF very happy with you", 5) counting tip in front of you, 6) when she leans over your face and pushes her breasts in your face then wont let you play with them, shys away, 7) haggling over $$ for extras, 8) making me get off table to pull my wallet out, 9) incomplete climax (still not done), 10) leaving door half open as she rushes out of room to get towels to clean-up.

22

11.01.2012 20:16:39
I had one last time that did not go too well. She's pretty but it was just that her feet really stank and I just could not go on with it.

00

10.31.2012 19:51:12
I have been through all of the 10 peeves. I do have to say that sometimes I am not aching, and if I find a provider who gives a great "soft" massage, well I will often ask for that. The ripples through the body if done right will send one to new heights and the HE when it comes is all the better for it. My biggest peeves are the clock watcher, and bad hygiene. I will not go with a provider a second time if she watches the clock, and I won't even go with a provider if she smells bad. I take a bath before I go to an MP, even if I'm going to get a table shower. Someone mentioned cameras. I won't even go inside if they have cameras. They can put it up on the internet on free and pay porn sites. Don't need someone I know running across that.

01

10.30.2012 11:19:35
Being rushed.I hate that. if you dont have time for me I will go elsewhere

02

10.29.2012 18:59:21
WooHoo!

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mongo :
10.29.2012 17:57:36
Tony and Thomas...nice speculations. Mongo is definitely alive and kicking. =) Mongo has been around the world to both of those countries, Thomas...but actually prefers the US and Canada. Sorry about not responding as frequently, we are working on some security enhancements/new features to provide our users an even BETTER experience...Thank you both for keeping the community alive. Amen my brothers!!!!

02

10.29.2012 17:44:03
@thomas.6528 I only ask because it's been a while since he has been monitoring this website.

00

10.29.2012 15:10:56
For tonysander, Mongo lives somewhere in Europe, Romania or Croatia. I think he travesl around to the US and back home. I noticed that he takes time in responding to email questions.

00

10.29.2012 15:09:00
Found a new pet peeve. Went to a good rub and jerk location last Friday night and I laid down on the bed and I could smell old semem on the sheets or somewhere. I should of asked for another room but the girl was already working on my joint, so I just laid there until finished.

00

10.28.2012 21:49:15
Did Mongo die?

00

ampdog :
10.23.2012 23:13:40
Asking for the tip when you have to get up, nekkid, and fish the money out of your pants. I did this one time, and that was it. From now on, if they don't trust me, they just do massage and get 5 bucks, max.

01

10.23.2012 09:30:16
Dirty massage table covers. When the towel or sheet looks or smells like it hasn't been changed in days. When that happens I won't be back and if it's really bad I'll walk out.

00

10.22.2012 14:50:11
Definitely the bad breath at #1 but a close #2 is when she's beating the captain like he owes her money (actually I do, not the big guy), then stopping/starting/clock-watching. Best HJ ever is slow, slow, slow, buildup to even pace, then faster and not stop until I tell her to. Am I right?

11

10.21.2012 14:08:36
My pet peeves are you see the ads they offer on backpage of young hot women then you go there and your like what the hell there all old or ugly. Also hate it when the mamasan massages you. Hate it when when they just leave the room in the middle of a massage just to answer the damn door or to do soemthing you have no idea what there doing.

15

10.21.2012 11:55:10
Mongo change the name of Top Spa toots knew name TopOne Spa--- in Oakland Park Fl?

00

10.18.2012 18:36:32
Underarm hair. I had a fairly regular girl that would let me do a reverse and come on her pretty much anywhere. She raised up her arm once w/ the shirt on. Little black curly waved to me and said Hello. Havent been back since.

01

andls :
10.18.2012 18:31:44
I have experienced all 10 pet peeves. Such is the life of a monger.

02

10.18.2012 15:35:29
The nasty chinese food stink that is left on their breath can be a turn off from time to time that's for sure! And if they offer a Table Shower, they shouldn't make you feel like your being hosed down by a car wash. Especially when your paying for it!

06

10.18.2012 07:46:51
I'm a little older and my hearing isn't what it use to be. So when it comes to negotiating and what services are provided, the Asian's confuse me with their accent and it seems I wind up getting something other than what I thought I was getting. The other one is the "pay me now" after they get you all teased up before they will go farther. Kind of breaks up the mood.

01

10.17.2012 13:31:38
When the whole place smells like a chinese restauran cuisine. When there is only 1 provider and you find out until the door has rang half a dozen times and she goes out to greet the customer. Poor quality condoms ass thick as kitchen gloves.

12

10.16.2012 15:42:31
Clock watching is my biggest pet peeve. More times that not I've been shorted on my time at MPs. I pay for 1 hour, I expect to get 1 hour's worth, not a 40-minute massage.

04

10.16.2012 15:13:21
It's only happened once to me and it really poised me off but I brought my phone by accident into my session and it started to ring. The RA asked me if it was my wife and were it not for the fact that she had my junk in her hands I was going to say "No it's your boyfriend, he wanted to know if you're any good at tugging."

60

10.16.2012 10:28:25
One of my pet peeves is the masseuse has brought me to climax and when I start cumming she stops jacking. Here I'm cumming and she acts like my cum is nasty and doesn't want it to touch her hands.WTF? For $40 or $50 she should get down and rub it on her face. Really,just keep up the HJ until the guy is finsihed with his orgasm is not too much to ask is it?

18

10.15.2012 22:50:45
The newest pet peeve I would list is something that happened this weekend in Vegas. I went to a new AMP and they have cameras at the doors, lobby and hallway with a feed into all the massage rooms hooked up to a tv so the provider can watch to see who was around while they are busy with you. My girl spent half her time looking at the TV and spent no time bother to touch the boys or give an HE. In fact they advertised Table Showers on the front window and when my hour was up, the girl starte to leave and I asked her about my TS. She asked me in a stunned voice "You want me to do it" and I said "Yes." She took me to the TS room and gave me a good shower, this was the only time she touched the boys. She then also asked me for a $20 tip and I gave her $25 because I may go back later and see if I can get FS.

01

10.15.2012 15:43:00
When the hot MMS will only give you BBBJ and not FS!

11

10.15.2012 14:54:26
My pet peeve lately has been girls asking for the flip without any teasing before hand. Sure, in my 20s I just needed to see a girl and I could get a boner. But nowadays, come on, give me some teasing!

03

chi :
10.15.2012 11:51:31
I think you've all got it covered. The only thing that happens to me, a lot, is being reminded that commitments made by AMPs mean nothing. Specifically, I call to make an appt with a specific person, I explicitly reconfirn it, "Lily, 7 o'clock, 90 minutes"...yes, yes, yes i'm told. I arrive [AMP in Virginia Beach] "Appointment with Lily..." "Lily in New York..." Realizing that they will give your "appointment" away to anybody that walks in the door at any time, I don't make appointments anymore.

21

10.15.2012 11:51:21
#9 is actually a turn on for me when it happens "in the act"... 1st time was at a place that the owners were visiting, and as my RA was stroking me (telling me shhh), the owners knocked on the door to say "good bye"... at another place, she was stroking me with one hand and talking to a potential client with the other. It was all I could do to not yell, "Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby."

03

dlb :
10.15.2012 10:10:22
My #1 is not getting the RA that I ask for, even when calling ahead. #2 is the weak massage, but not unless I request soft and slow. #3 is asked to flip only 5-10 minutes into the session and then getting a lame HE.

12

10.15.2012 10:02:49
I had one girl who's BF called her while she was giving me a tug. And she just kept going. Knowing that this guy's gf had her hand on my junk, it's one of the few times I didn't mind.

03

10.15.2012 09:59:00
Definitely the bad breath!!! More places should keep listerine around.

11

10.15.2012 08:43:22
My #1 peeve is the girls answering the phone or leaving me to go to the counter to great the new customer that just walked in. #2 Fish breath is a killer for me. #3 False advertising-I go into a new AMP in the Vegas area and all the ladies are wearing only slips and underwear and then gives me a legit massage, not even touching my balls until the table shower. #4 Asking for a higher tip after I gave her a good tip. I paid a girl $100 for FS and she asked for $40 more, since she did a sincere BBFS, I gave her $20 extra. #5 Weak massages or poor HE's. #6 Don't speak English.

01

10.15.2012 06:03:49
Breath that smells like a sewer is #1 for me too. I chew gum when I walk in the door. I haven't had too many clock watchers. I almost always get my hour and my regular girls that I click with typically go over.

00

cougx :
10.14.2012 20:13:39
Lucky for me only few have applied to me in the past most of my AMP providers have good breath and take care of their hygiene and do not fit most of these, though I do always hear of some things that could always happen though one I didn't see up there was the bad English and communicating one still only some have given me this problem and I am still practicing more on that

00

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