How to Write a Good RubMaps Review

Nov 7 2012
54 Comments
Now that the election is over, we as Americans can focus on the larger issue at hand--finding out where to monger and learning how to write better, more informative reviews for our peers. Many people e-mail RubMaps asking why their reviews weren't approved. I could go on and on about why our editors reject reviews, but the chief reasons why reviews are rejected are as follows:

a) Not enough detail. Fellow mongers, please take the time to fill out the appropriate boxes, and write more than one sentence. Just because it says minimum 100 characters doesn't mean that that's all the maximum. Be descriptive. Be narrative. Tell us what happened. Get the name of the girl that massaged you or gave you blue balls--so that the next monger can be more informed.

b) Too many consistently negative reviews from a non-trusted monger. Our editors constantly look for patterns when choosing to approve/reject reviews. If they see a monger consistently giving bad reviews to a bunch of massage locations that they keep frequenting...its a bit suspicious. Would you go to the same restaurant over and over again, if you repeatedly throw up after eating there? 

c) ALL CAPS. NOBODY WANTS TO READ SOMETHING IN ALL CAPS AND IN TECH TALK THIS COULD BE CONSTRUED AS ME YELLING AT YOU. NUFF SAID.

d) brok3n Engrish. It's one thing to have a few grammatical mistakes here or there, but it's completely another if you are writing the review like you are in elementary school. Mongering is not a cheap habit. According to a few third party sites which triangulate RubMap's web demographics, 75% of you guys make over $75,000 a year. That means you should be able to write at least at a high school level. Please note: that condition D does not apply to most of you--normally it only applies to the owner of an establishment trying to make up a review on their nonexistent, non-hot workers that don't work there.

There you have it folks...these are the key reasons why reviews get rejected...that being said. Over 75% of the reviews you have submitted over the years have been accurate and dead on. Thank you and look forward to reading many more.


Cheers,
Mongo
Check the newest massage parlor reviews in Ashburn, VA
Accupressure Health Center Accupressure Health Center
7335 Hanover Pkwy, Suite C Greenbelt, Maryland
Yesterday 		Pink $70 33.1 mi
Devine Wellness Devine Wellness
15867 Crabbs Branch Wy, #B Rockville, Maryland
Yesterday 		Sunny $60 18.4 mi
Wellness Center Massage Center Wellness Center Massage Center
2629 Connecticut Ave NW Washington Dc, District of Columbia
Yesterday 		Linda $70 24.8 mi
Herndon Spa Herndon Spa
201 Elden St #204 Herndon, Virginia
2 days ago 		Ruby $80 8.3 mi
Backlick Holisitc Backlick Holisitc
5029 Backlick Rd Annandale, Virginia
2 days ago 		Linda $80 22.6 mi

Comments:

Please sign in or register to add comments on this post


12.26.2012 15:30:25
Thanks Mongo, been around the block a few times.

00

12.26.2012 12:35:18
I can't add my review on. It won't let me rate the parlor or service. Anyone know why?

00

mongo :
12.26.2012 01:18:57
docbonecutter - Dead on. Here is a link to something that was cited in the San Diego Reader. http://www.sandiegoreader.com/weblogs/almost-factual-news/2011/nov/03/unhappy-ending/ "We started digging around," continued the source, "and found that a number of massage establishments hadn't had their records updated in over a year. When we questioned the officers responsible, they insisted that they had written the reports and submitted them via the department's electronic filing system. And when we started looking into that, we discovered that the reports were being automatically rerouted to RubMaps and posted as straight-up customer reviews."

00

12.26.2012 00:48:18
micastcher1 - Let me explain that pretty much everything written on this board are fictional stories by delusional people. In addition to that it is all heresay evidence. I mean if LE wanted to bust a place they would place a bunch of fake reviews and use them as a basis for an arrest. Nope there is not a judge in his right mind that will allow that.

01

12.24.2012 22:39:37
@micastcher1 We just need your full name for the arrest warrant.

00

12.23.2012 18:11:38
Question...If we write a review, and LE sees it, and they confirm that we've paid for these types of services, does anyone know if we are subject to being arrested?

00

qrius2 :
12.22.2012 11:10:58
The Down-side of Numerous Good (Explicit) Reviews: The joints get hassled by LEs, so the management is forced to change it's policies and/or send the providers to other places. A used-to-be fav provider was snatched by a generous hobbyist so she may not seen anymore. Some hobbyists still tell the providers about the reviews on this site, a definite NO, NO! Fellow mongers, LEs

00

cougx :
12.16.2012 22:48:21
@ dianauharriet go to the top of the home page underneath the search bar look at where it says "RUBMAPS SLANG" click on that it will tell you everything and then some, its in between "ADVANCE SEARCH" and "BLOG" there it is.

00

12.16.2012 13:43:22
I’m a new commer. Where do I go to learn what all the initials mean i.e. HJ or BL or several capital letters put together i.e. HJBJFS? I don’t understand!

01

12.14.2012 15:45:00
What is the number of reviews posted for a member to be given Premium access?

10

12.09.2012 09:39:09
Agree that descriptions need improvement, add "voluptuous" or full figured. Thick is not flattering. How about description of face? Petite is a nice figure that is slim. Thin, to me, means skinny, not shapely. my 2c. Disagree about 2 stars max for no HJ. Have had many excellent experiences that were erotic but didn't include HJ.

01

12.06.2012 17:42:25
The body type descriptions are good, but I'd like to suggest some improvements. The option "perfect" can mean different things to different people, which ultimately makes it not helpful. I suggest replacing it with more fine-tuned descriptions. Also you have "petite" and "thin," which seems redundant for our purposes. One body type not covered is "voluptuous," that is, bigger but still curvy in a sexy way (like some latinas). Right now the only non-thin body type option is "thick." Maybe it's just me, but "thick" doesn't sound like a sexy body type. Thick is a good description for an older asian MMS body type: heavier with no curves. So can we remove "perfect" and "thin," and add "voluptuous?"

01

bchbm :
12.05.2012 10:05:30
Sorry for the multiple posts, trying to catch up, 2 suggestions for better reviews. Description of face of provider should be somewhere in review. second, BIG diff between 5'0" and 5'5", nearly all girls are in this range. Let's tighten this up, how about less than 5'; 5'0 to 5'2"; 5'3" to 5'5" etc. or include in your review. Thanks!

01

bchbm :
12.05.2012 09:42:53
A = flat chested or very small B = fits in a champagne glass, perfect size according to the French, more than a mouthful is a waste! C = more roundish, larger, most Victoria's Secret models (slightly enhanced) D = enhanced or larger woman. DD = too much enhancement, larger woman with big pair!!

01

bchbm :
12.05.2012 09:37:25
I'm going to go out on a limb here and disagree (first time for everything, thomas) with thomas and mdavis. Erotic, to me, can mean a good teasing and I will give up to 4 stars for an excellent massage with teasing. For many of us, flashing the goods to a young cutie is erotic fun, and often ss while she massages erogenous zones is much better than a lot of HJ's. ok, 4 stars max. I remember an older and wiser monger writing that 5 stars is only for an excellent massage AND excellent HJ. I'll go along with that!

01

12.05.2012 02:09:26
@notlion, try a Google search on any size you want, you can find examples. Here's some quick research I did: Lucy Thai is a C. Erica Rose Campbell is a D. Hope that helps your reviews! :)

01

12.04.2012 20:39:48
@notlion ~ Just SWAG it. Scientific Wild Ass Guess

20

12.04.2012 19:12:11
@curious, good point (pun intended). I guess it's a numbers game with letters. Size doesn't matter to me, I just enjoy what's in front of me although droopy bags can be a turn off. It's not big issue with me I'll just continue to guess the size for the reviews.

00

12.04.2012 16:11:39
@notilion, not to sound like a jerk, but it helps if you have a girlfriend. You can get to know other sizes based on hers.

02

12.04.2012 00:41:14
Does anyone know the formula to determine "cup" size? I know "A" is small and "D" in much bigger but without actually measuring the girls with a tape measure all I know is, small, medium, large and Oh Mama!

10

12.02.2012 05:07:06
I gotta agree with qrius2 on the ridiculous grammar. There seems to be one author with many aliases who uses the "still, on the other hand, to be sure, to say the least, quite the good service, but then again" phrases, like he's getting paid for each one. This person always talks about how meh and average the service was ("basically you're going to get the same service that everyone else gets, to say the least") and then gives it 4 stars! The other nitpicky thing I notice is when reviewers go on about how special they are to the provider and how their huge, huge member is making them beg for mercy (and no, no, she wasn't faking it!). Or the occasional "I came a huge load that gushed all over her." Um, congrats! Basically I'm interested to hear about her services, not how amazing you are.

02

12.01.2012 00:12:41
There is an averaging that is going on on the site because I know i can't leave a 1/2 star review and most places do have 1/2.

10

11.30.2012 07:49:07
@Curious ~ I stand corrected re: Overall Rating. You're right, it's not an average; the reviewer provides the overall rating. Guess the averaging goes on in the reviewer's mind. I apologize for the confusion. I'm a bit out of the loop since I've stopped writing reviews for the stated reasons (prior post). Just this week, a provider asked me about internet ratings of AMPs. She was concerned they're a beacon for 5-0, and she's right.

00

11.29.2012 09:23:32
Demonio, I know you take the reviewing seriously and I always appreciate your hilarious reviews. :) On each review that I've done, there was a separate star rating prompt for the overall experience. It didn't average them out. Unless I misunderstood what you meant, you can leave a 1-star overall rating even if you give everything else (provider, services, masage) 5 stars.

01

11.28.2012 10:07:50
Problems with reviews on RM can be attributed more to the website interface, than the individual reviewers. Reviews on Rubmaps can be broken down to three parts. "MP Review", "Provider" and "Services". There is a 0-5 star rating system (for the provider, services and massage). The star rating system is fucked up. The first section asks you to identify the provider, describe her looks and rate her. Let's say your provider was hot, friendly and professional. Rating her with four stars seems to be appropriate. The second section asks to rate the services (aka extras). The massage was non-erotic and you were sent home with a raging case of blue-balls. Rating the services with zero stars sounds right. The last section asks you to rate the massage. Well, it was a professional CMT massage. Rating the massage with four stars seems logical. Guess what, you just rated the overall experience as four stars because it appears the rating system takes an average of the three ratings to provide an overall rating. Get ready to be called a fucking asshole by fellow mongers for giving a four star review for a no HE massage. The narrative portion is a whole other story. It's based on the reviewers writing skills. Very little we can do about that at this point.

01

11.26.2012 21:04:01
I see some reviews shy on details, especially when it comes to services and extras. Yeah there is fear what you type may be used against your provider. However keep in mind if you (or anyone else with common sense) were on a jury deciding statements written on this site were valid, it IS possible that middle school kids could of wrote a juicy review or pranksters. What you write may only be considered to LE as a hint of possible wrongdoing at a place, besides it's in the male ego to embellish when telling other guys of their adventures. Know the laws of your area before you post if your seriously worried of incriminating yourself or any provider.

01

11.25.2012 20:29:28
How do I make a review for a place that's not already listed?

01

qrius2 :
11.25.2012 11:07:33
Just finished reading a review of an LA AMP and this guy wrote the phrase, "but then again" 3 times in one sentence. I have to chuckle at times as it seems like phrases are used just because! Phrases like, "that being said" or "being said that"; I already know what you said. "You will get a decent massage here, to say the least"; I sure hope so! "Now then", an oxymoron! "I didn't really know what to expect"; if you act like an a-hole then don't expect anything. "HE at this place is a definite hit or miss"; is there anything in between? Is there a near-miss? "He is good for what it's worth"; what's a bad HE worth?

14

11.24.2012 10:38:28
no HE gets 1 star and don't recommend it and then you can rave about how great the massage is in your details. Also, I don't agree that 5 stars is only for FS. you can get FS on rebook anytime you want. I have a servicer provider that I could give to 5 stars all the time and I get an HJ with ass play, tugging the little man and the boys from behind, reach around, etc. I mean she works up so much I resist to keep the playing going until I have to flip for a release because I can not hold out any longer. She drives me FN crazy up to the point of release and I get to enjoy some of the goods, although limited but the teasing and tempting makes it fun. mdavis I do agree with 3 or above for services that the site was created for though.

00

11.18.2012 01:32:48
Okay fellow Mongers, here are my tips. I'm not preaching to you guys but I have an Ivy League education so take it for what is is worth. 3 stars or more are reserved for actual hand job. 4 stars for ass play or touching of tities or both. 5 stars is for the grand daddy of them all full service and GFE. Be accurate with the tipping $ and follow what other mongers give. Be sure to note the providers name. Also, be accurate with what is available. That covers all my review pet peeves. Thanks bros. Let's work together so we all get off for the least $. I think we can provide a thumbs up to that thought. Ha! PS, no HJ means $2 tip. That should be a rule on here. No play, $2 dolla hola. Who is with me??????

14

11.17.2012 11:16:08
I was scolded by the mamasan at one Chinese massage place for writing a review that raved about how good the FS was. The mamasan was afraid that law enforcement was reading the reviews, so only HE I received on that second visit was a weak hand job.

02

11.14.2012 11:57:02
No time to read all the comments so forgive the repeat but NO 5 star ratings for a legit spa. 2 stars at the most.

02

11.13.2012 15:38:47
in the begining i could post now when i post weather it is a good or bad review nothing apears let me know why this happening as i hit a lot of spots and anyone that follows my led usally gets what i say is avalable

00

11.13.2012 08:12:42
I agree with Hobby - writing the review is part of the experience. I've atually mentioned to a few Mamasans that I am a reviewer for RM and have had an improvement in service. Had some God-awful times too, however, so it doesnt always work. I tend to think that if I am getting good information from someone else's research, I should do my part and offer a narrative of my experience. Most of us know YMMV anyway...

00

cougx :
11.12.2012 22:35:45
Well good, all of my reviews have passed no problem, sometimes I write too much but im just descriptive though lately ive been cutting down on things such as suspense and thrill etc. I try to describe the important things but sometimes I cant help but post some of the reactions they just put you in place for what you might experience or perhaps not, still I focus on basics for the most and so far so good.

00

7Wood :
11.12.2012 11:06:07
Really? What idiot would pop off to the mamasan about a review on here? The same guy you never go to Vegas with! Unbelievable! Desperate man making desperate moves. Use some discretion men.

00

11.10.2012 19:56:11
I just put out a very accurate, helpful review (IMO) around 7 hours ago. How long does it take to approve a review??? I'm trying to help ppl here ffs.

01

pimber :
11.10.2012 12:04:57
Too much info, details, unnecessary info: Really, Don't make it so obvious. This stuff pops up in a Google search. Who wants to read your little romance novelette, anyway? What matters... 1. Rating: You rate your experience, because experiences are different, and because for numerous reasons, all things can change, from day to day, from week to week, from hour to hour. Stars should tell most of the story. 3 stars leaves room above and below, and should signify the minimum desired, unless that was not of acceptable quality, and in such case you would (tactfully) say why you deducted a point. 4 stars would indicate added elements. Things that make it more than just "job done." You know. 5 stars is for the really exceptional experience, of which there are very few at least in Massachusetts, but sometimes . . . . 2. The other person: friendly, fun, or sour? Good shape? Open to things or just "get down to business?" Tact: Because a review should not be counter-productive. Hint at essential info. But don't get cutesy and poetic about it. Anyone who can't read between the lines can only blame themselves. And mystery is fun. The main thing is: is it a place to visit or not, and how pleased would one be to have visited a particular place. That should be told by the stars.

02

qrius2 :
11.10.2012 07:22:15
I've been mongering for many years. I used to have more misses than hits, but thanx to the reviews on RM I've had more successes. Opinions are like belly buttons, everybody has one. There are stupid reviews and there are fake reviews. The comments are very subjective anyway

01

11.09.2012 19:51:46
Well spoken tone 2000.I just want to know what's available and what the ladies about personality wise.No flopping fish out of water and no whiners or I can stay home and save myself money by SS

01

11.09.2012 16:58:07
Ok people lets stop acting like these women are our wives or something. First of all these women pretty much are doing something illegal whether we want to admit it or not. When we goto these places and pay for it we are in the wrong just as much as them. The whole reason why most of us even joined this site is to find out what places do what we want. Its not our faults that they shops get closed down because someone left a review and a LE just happens to snoop around. If you add up how much these women make a year which could be well over 80,000 in some areas im sure they can always put up a new shop and start over. As far as writing a review goes I just want to know what the provider does. Dont write a long post just to say nothing happened. I also hate when someone says oh this girl is my favorite so if I tell you guys what she does it will be ruined for me. ok well im sure she isnt just fucking you because if she was she wouldnt be working there.

11

11.09.2012 09:24:03
I too stopped writing reviews. It was fun memorializing my experiences and I agree with "the hobbyist" that the review can be an essential part of the monger experience (sometimes I have such a great time, I'm dying to tell someone/everyone about it). But, I've been "busted" for writing reviews by a MMS or two, reviews can be a signed confession of committing a crime or cheating on your spouse or significant other, sometimes you want to keep your favorites to yourself to avoid "over-exposure" and other personal reasons. I am glad others provide reviews because they can be very helpful. I think I've done my part.

00

11.09.2012 08:23:25
@bigsteve72... Um, I think that is why the reviews have Stars for Service Rating, and Stars for Massage Rating. When I have an HE that was good I rate the Service high, and when the massage part was lame, or even non-existent (as a prelude to getting to the HE) I rate the Massage low.

01

11.09.2012 07:21:49
"Don't crap where you eat" or something like that, is my mantra. I check the appropriate boxes, and don't get too specific about services received.Two reasons; Stay anonymous to the provider/establishment, and don't leave too blatant of a trail for LE. Doing this seems to annoy the RM bros' in my area, but I don't think it is my job to spell it all out. Just try and read between the lines and use your imaginations. It seems that the complainers, just want to get their vicarious thrills from reading the reviews. Please feel free to correct me, if I sound wrong

11

11.09.2012 07:21:17
I disagree. I believe a HE with a great massage can be more than 2 stars. Perhaps we all do not go for FS?

03

11.09.2012 05:29:31
I consider the review an essential part of the monger experience. It's almost as if not writing the review means that the hour never really happened for me. I thoroughly enjoy playing the full hour back in my mind as I write my reviews, and those who have commented seem to really enjoy my play by plays. Many guys have commented that they even got wood just reading my narrative. The review is a way to recapture the moment and get a better return on the investment of your money and time with this review. Lastly, I get private messages from many of the girls who also read the recap and they love it. Many of the MMS's tell me that their business has improved after my reviews so I feel like I am doing good with my work. What you put into your review is what you get out of it, so make it count!

13

11.08.2012 19:10:00
i AGREE wiith rubitout now. I went to a foot massage that offered extras full body and more...i really liked the girl for massage and service .l Posted a review went too see her again and the place was closed down ....be careful because evidently others are reading the review and raiding

20

11.08.2012 17:51:58
I've been to some of the same places as thomas and quirus and I will not post the name of the girl I was with or for that matter review her. I think I commented on 1 but, that was about it..I am a noob to the reviewing thing but have been doing this a while and have found that if you treat them like ladies instead of hookers you'll have some fantastic times..and yes that means springing for the extra 20 and getting an hour massage and not trying to feel her up in the first 5 minutes.

10

11.08.2012 15:36:53
@bigsteve72: good point. I have wondered about what we are reviewing as well. Stars for quality, service (greeted at the door good service or did you get serviced good?)is all too much grey area. Maybe the attitude sucked but the end result was great. I had a 4 hand massage once in Vegas that the young beautiful one's attitude was terrible but the older one was great, oh man, imagine the conumdrum I was in there.

11

11.08.2012 08:47:17
If I may make a suggestion: We should have a seperate rating for whether or not a HE is had and a seperate rating for massage quality. How do we rate massage quality vs. HE quality but maybe you got a crappy massage. We rate provider: Hot, average, ugly. Massage rating: Excellent, good, average, poor, etc. I've been to places where I get a decent massage but the HE was no good so some folks want me to rate it highly because it was a HE place. Too many gray areas here...lol.

11

11.08.2012 07:44:18
I have experienced the same problem where my reviews were pointed out to the ladies by other Mongers. I have been to my favorite place three times since I last posted, and the ladies are quite pissed at me. They say mamasan penalizes them by cutting their money, and that if the reviews don't stop they will be told to leave. Also, mamasan yelled at me one time telling me that LE is now poking around. It has taken the fun out of things as my time with the ladies now seems to be more providing me service because I paid and they are no longer into it with me. I will now have to go someplace else and start a relationship with providers there if I want to enjoy the experience it again. I won't be writing any more reviews.

10

11.07.2012 18:24:58
In the months I have been a monger, I have changed my reviews as to how many stars I give. This site is for erotic massage, therefore I don't like when a reviewer consistently gives 4 or 5 stars for legit massages or HE's. I believe that great massages should get only 2 stars, BJ's 3 stars and FS 4 or 5 stars. I will not post reviews on my most favorite AMP's because I don't want LE to come and close them down and take my provider's to jail. I now post places that I will visit one time and not go back, it cuts down the odds of me getting HE or FS but I have my safe locations for those activities. I do not tell the providers that I write reviews for this site because I think they are afraid of the reviews being read by LE. I know the ladies have many different stage names but we still give enough info to identify them. I know that each reviewer has their own ability to get those extra's they are looking for. I have gone to a place that I believe that qrius2 has been and he has gotten HE's from 2 different providers while I have been to the same place 4 times but had the same provider but nothing happened except a legit massage. Therefore my reviews will be more negative while his would be more positive. I went into one AMP in Henderson, NV where the girl greeted me wearing a slip and underwear only and she gave me a legit massage with TS while I was expecting FS, so I gave them a bad review. I still suspect they are a FS location but I can't say for sure. I just hope each reviewer is honest in the review they have posted so the readers can know what they can expect at that AMP.

21

11.07.2012 16:48:03
I get caught in the "is this a written confession" and "is this Penthouse forum" POV. I don't believe I have any rejected but I believe there is a line some cross of too much information given. The ideas I try to put across are HE, mood/ambiance/setting and the girls themselves; i.e. was the HE mechanical, did she listen to a "slow down", etc comment, and was she into it. And again, I have to ask (someone tell me, please) why can't I post anything in the forum section? I'm premium, I'm logged in, and there is no way it's letting me.

10

qrius2 :
11.07.2012 16:47:11
A few providers expressed resentment as my fellow hobbyists mentioned my reviews to try to get the same results I did. I even try to be as discreet as possible while relating my experiences on my reviews. Now I'm seriously thinking of not posting the provider's name.

14

Newest Blog Posts


Newest Blog Comments