After the Deed

Oct 29 2012

So the dilemma for married guys is, how do I face my wife after getting a HE from a masseuse? This is mostly for noob, as I’m sure the veterans have their routine down to exact science.  The new guys starting out on this hobby have asked me repeatedly how to avoid detection.  How to delete their review because they used a username that easily identified them.   Excuses to use when going to a parlor.  Here is my opinion for the guys that are in this situation. 

When you come home right after visiting a massage parlor, shower there or shower when you get home. No scent or oil residue will be left behind.  If she asks why you are jumping in the shower right away, just say you don’t feel fresh.  But if you shower regularly when you get home, the question shouldn’t come up.

On the rare chance that she wants to have sex after you already got your release, you gotta do it.   Man up and eat as much protein as you can.  Get your stamina back up.  Watch porn, fantasize, do whatever it takes to get your libido and testosterone up and running. 

You should be in a better mood after you got your happy ending, (unless you got ripped off ). So go with that feeling.  Be nice to her, compliment her, just create a positive vibe all around.  If she is wondering why you are in such a good mood, there are plenty of reasons to be smiling.  Your team won the game, promoted at work, found good parking, got a good deal on something, etc.   

In closing, just don’t do anything too extreme when you get home.  Just play it cool.  If confronted with something, deny deny deny.  Act normal, do your usual routine.  Important disclosure:  Even if you follow all of advice, your wife could still smell the BS on you.  They do have a sixth sense for these things as some divorced guys can tell you.  Good luck and best wishes.  The massage parlors will always be open at least. 

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Comments:

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04.29.2013 20:37:28
Any golfers out there? I go out for a round of golf, stop at the AMP for some relaxation after the round. Get the TS first to get clean then after the HE you are back in the sweaty clothes. My wife is a stickler for the sunscreen while I am golfing, so I just put some on before I go home. Even if she gets close, she says "You stink" and I take a shower. Sometimes all cleaned up I get a twofer. Probably work for your weekend ball games with the guys.

01

04.29.2013 11:49:09
I don't worry..

00

04.28.2013 14:19:29
Do you guys ever worry about STD with these kind of activities/hobby? In the back of my mind always scare me. How did you dealt with that?

10

woodyj :
03.04.2013 15:26:29
I have a day off each week and if I need to go I go on that day. The wife is at work and since I go in the morning I have all day to get everything straightened out. The normal place I go uses no oil so that is not an issue.

01

03.04.2013 13:54:58
I do it at lunch time, so there's à few hours before I go home. That lets any scent dissipate, and lets the euphoria or guilt subside.

01

12.16.2012 06:33:16
@hellosir said: "besides I shouldn't have to go to these places, I'm married! But if I can spend 1-200 for an hour of pleasure it's worth it. With an AMP I don't have to beg, I don't have to bargin, I don't need to hear, not tonight, I'm tired, the kids are still up, bla bla bla after 15 years of excuses I found an AMP. Now when she gives me the cold shoulder, I find a new AMP! Thanks honey! I do get very worried about STD's." I wonder how many of us go to AMP and other places just for this very reason. And when the wives find out about it, they blow up. "You should be satisfied. You have two children. You don't need sex." To me that's nothing more than crap from a selfish woman who is only interested in what she can get from her husband, such as pay the mortgage, buy her a car, pay the bills, while she runs around and has her own fun, or sits all night in front of the TV. To me, those types of wives who use their husbands for their own personal gain are the lowest form of hooker that there is. Plus, they are the reason for the proliferation of all the places for a guy to find escape and relief from the tension that they bring. We'll probably live longer by doing our mongering compared to the other guys who just sit there and take it day after day from the bitchy whores that they married.

08

12.13.2012 04:50:58
I had left my iPad open and on this site. (Home page) and my wife found it. She bellowed "what the hell is this porn"? I explained its a web site dedicated to finding the cheapest message palor in town. Wife is not computer savy. She does know I go once a week to MP just not AMPs. She's never asked about the HE or FS, besides I shouldn't have to go to these places, I'm married! But if I can spend 1-200 for an hour of pleasure it's worth it. With an AMP I don't have to beg, I don't have to bargin, I don't need to hear, not tonight, I'm tired, the kids are still up, bla bla bla after 15 years of excuses I found an AMP. Now when she gives me the cold shoulder, I find a new AMP! Thanks honey! I do get very worried about STD's. most recently I found a small blister on my lip. I started to freak. It seems to be going away but damn it woke me up. No more DAMPing (drunk Asian massage parlors)

03

12.09.2012 20:46:56
The way I figure, I'm only getting busted if a.) the provider wore heavy perfume (which most Asians do not) or b.) if I went for FS or CBJ when I guess the taste is unmistakable. Regrettably, g.f. rarely surprises me any more except for the weekly "if you wanna fool around we better do it now" . Responding to that with a brief DIY sponge down would only be greeted with appreciation rather than suspicion....its the f# cell phone call that I didn't pick up which is most likely to get me busted one day

10

12.06.2012 14:18:46
"If you are going to feel guilty about it then you probably shouldn't be going to these places" So true. Initially I did feel guilty but really it's a hobby that she'll never know I have, nothing more. My need for strange has nothing to do with my relationship, one's a bodily function the other's my real life.

03

12.04.2012 23:15:22
Best lies are the simplest ones with truth mixed in.

02

12.04.2012 20:35:50
I'm saying my GF knows I go regularly for a massage. She thinks they are legitimate massages like the ones she and I go to together on the weekends. I'm retired and she works, so it's not unusual that I do my own thing during the week days. I just don't fill her in on the details about this and much more. So, if she detects something, perfume, oil, etc., it's no problem cause I just went for a massage. It's when you make up elaborate cover ups or lies that you fuck up.

04

12.04.2012 20:30:15
Why is it so hard for a guy to go home and take a shower? If you get home and she wants to fuck around just say that you are tired or something its not hard to lie. If you are going to feel guilty about it then you probably shouldn't be going to these places

01

12.04.2012 17:17:58
Demonio, are you telling me that your current gf doesn't know or care about your weekly forays into the land of strange?

00

12.03.2012 09:46:55
There is no hiding it unless you married someone without the woman gene- they can just tell. Mine knows but we don't talk about it. We just lead our miserable lives together and I lead my exciting one when I can get the hell away- and yes I am getting divorced as soon as my kids get old enough.

04

11.30.2012 07:31:10
After the deed, I go home and take a nap.

03

11.28.2012 18:54:40
LOL cybermn, the only thing funnier is the fool that suggests you douse yourself with gasoline and the bunch of other pussy-whipped mongers saying, "Yeah!". Why not strike a match while you're at it and put yourselves out of your misery once and for all?

01

11.28.2012 12:56:59
"Yeah that is SO not a Chinese takeout place." Lol, unless they serve moo goo gai poon. I'm lucky because I can play off anything. Semen on my watch? How the fuck did that get there? That's it, I'm suing El Pollo Loco!

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11.28.2012 09:32:58
You guys are way over-thinking this shit - FUCK! Here's your two part solution. First, man up. Stop being pussies. Take charge of your lives and stop sneaking around. Second, just tell the truth (well, almost). If she questions you, the ideal thing would be to tell her to go fuck herself. If that doesn't work for you, tell her you went for a massage (just leave out the details, i.e., extras). There's nothing improper about getting a massage. Millions of people get legitimate massages every day all over the world. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the universe that I'm divorced.

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11.27.2012 16:42:09
Another good thing is to have some of the alcohol based cleaner in your car and use it a lot, especially when s=your lady is in the car. There are germs out there and many places provide the cleaner, so having a little bottle of it is fine. After the AMP, just clean your hands and neck....your lady is used to that smell.

00

11.23.2012 22:01:43
When leaving an AMP, wear a confused look on your face so if you run into someone you know or someone sees you and later asks why you were there "Yeah that is SO not a Chinese takeout place.".

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11.21.2012 19:48:41
A good masseuse will NEVER wear heavy perfume....it's always the newbies who wear the cheap stuff when they first start out (that's been my experience). Also, avoid the scented oils and just do dry massage. But the best thing that works is get in the habit of taking a shower when you get home. Your GF will love your cleanliness. Even if she is unusually horny and wants some right then, insist on getting cleaned-up first as it's your routine. BTW, rkane637, I like that gas pump dripped on me trick. That's awesome!

01

11.21.2012 07:30:51
@billy ~ You've never heard of legit AMPs? My GF

00

11.20.2012 20:33:37
give me a break, don't EVER take your sig. other to any damn massage joint. they're gonna SMELL the semen ! women find suspicion where there isn't any. what's gonna happen when you take her to a rub and tug?

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11.20.2012 14:49:36
Guys, I have to comment on a few items here...first off, take your lady/wife for massages on the weekends and let her know how much enjoy them. Occasionally, go by yourself...there is nothing worse than trying to lie your way out of a visit by yourself. Who doesn't love a massage? When I go, and occaisionally even get the HE with my GF getting her own massage, we both enjoy it so much, so she doesn't ever question me when I go alone. If anyone is working out, perfect reason to get a massage or also complaining about your office chair and all the time behind the computer. If you can get a regular lady at a regular place for the HE, you will know what the oil/lotion smells like, so go with what you know. KISS principle is the best here. Good luck guys. I also don't consider the HE cheating, as there is no kissing. Call me crazy but it works for me.

13

brome :
11.20.2012 14:49:03
Yeah, micastcher1, I am lucky to have a wife who is good to me.So how can I go behind her? I look at it this way; my life experience is mine to deal with. I don't feel that marriage should limit that. I think the idea and contract of marriage has been defined by others to be unrealistic in this culture.In many countries no one thinks twice about a lover on the side.Now I admit this is still a deception since I don't tell my wife.On the other hand there are many things I don't tell anyone.Do these make me dishonest or just discreet? We live lives on many levels. I know I will honor the love for my wife until I'm gone,and this is where I'm true to her. The rest is just life going by.

10

11.19.2012 11:58:19
Unless your wife is with you for the HJ, just tell her you got a regular back massage; tell her ahead of time you are going. You start to fuck up when you get fancy. Keep it simple stupid.

11

11.19.2012 08:45:49
consience is the bad word in english. once you are married, you killed it anyway.

01

11.19.2012 01:08:13
There are two kinds of married men in this world, those who cheat and those who don't. Then it breaks down like this. There are two kinds of cheaters in this world, those who can deal with their guilt and those who wear it home. First things first...make sure your massage is with an oil that is odorless. NO lotion and NO scented oils or just get the massage dry. It may not feel as good but no one really gives a shit about the massage anyway...When you shower make sure you have a odorless travel size bar of soap in your pocket you can trash when you are done showering..also a small travel size hair gel in the car if you commonly use it.(it is also great for covering up any slight scent you may have on you...a good masseuse will not be wearing any perfume...if you use any scented oils or perfumed lotions make sure you get a hot wet towel to completely wipe of with. Another word of advice is no matter how much you want to go down on them...DONT..besides there has been about 50,000 dicks in there already and there is something liberating about only going down on your wife...if your wife wants sex when you get home throw her on the bed and go straight to cunillingus..you will get no complaints. One more trick is to stop and get a few gallons of gas and accidentally get a few drops on your sleeve and some on your hands and touch scratch your neck or wipe your face with your sleeve and two things will happen..when you get home you just say you stopped at the gas station and the fucking pump leaked on you..Nothing out does the smell of gasoline even if it is faint...and your wife will immediately tell you to take shower and you are home free. The truth is if yoou can't handle the guilt...and you are a decent individual who actually has a conscience, then dont go to these places at all.

07

turg :
11.18.2012 18:04:07
You,re there don,t be ashamed if you gotta face the wife just be honest and say you,re in a good mood that day,and have sex with her that night.

02

11.18.2012 16:23:18
There's no clear cut way to turn a HJ to a BJ. You can offer more money. You can build rapport. If it's a tug shop, always stay squeaky clean, as they won't usually have condoms available, so a BBBJ is most likely (take the shower or table shower before the session). Being handsome helps, though not necessary. And being rich or looking like your rich are a bonus too.

05

11.18.2012 01:40:38
Good topic. Guys are right about watching your browsing history. Dead giveaway. Also, be careful with your clothes and their perfume. If you will see wife/gf right away, hit the AMP shower or find a cheap gym close by. Also, start wearing a strong cologne before you go like a CK Eternity which can cover mistakes. If you think your face will give it up, never go for more than an HJ. If you think you can't hide that, wait until the wife/gf is out of town. Gives you enough time to compose yourself. Anyway, love the commentary on here. I am a big hobbyist.

12

11.17.2012 22:35:12
Anyone know how to turn a HJ request into a BJ? When she ask's you do you just flat out say yes but I want oral?

11

11.14.2012 11:55:18
If you use iPhone or iPad turn on Private Browsing on your device. Naturally delete your internet history (turn this setting On by default). Delete your call log recent history after making an appointment. I usually do things on Saturdays or nights when I'm already going to be out so other problems really arent an issue for me. I started in 1997 so this is pretty routine for me.

01

11.05.2012 19:15:02
The best way to protect yourself is to make sure that you do not feel guilty for what you have been doing. Wives have a special radar that can detect if you are fooling around when you are feeling guilty. A clear conscious (meaning you don't feel guilty for having sex with that young chinese girl 15 minutes ago when you arrive home and meet your wife).No matter if you get HE, BJ or FS; keep your mind clear of any guilt and there will be no need to deny. Denial is an admission of guilt. Have a strong cover story as th where you have been, take a shower after the massage to get rid of any perfume odors (I had this happen one time when the providers perfume was so strong I could smell it all the way home however my wife was out so I took a shower and was safe. Change underwear is you S/O is very suspicious of your activities, there is a product sold on the market that she can buy and test your underwear for semen stains (guilty if proven by the test). Be prepared to suffer the consequences if caught. Do your AMP'ing away from home area so your car won't be seen at the local AMP rub n tug.

01

11.04.2012 01:09:54
i definitely like the deny deny deny.... but one thing... DO NOT .. i repeat DO NOT tell any friends, best friends, yadi yadi ya... about the AMP you go to. a friend of mine kept asking me to go with him to one... and I tell him hell no.. i dont do that stuff. ;) i would hate for a reason for a blackmail. 2. yes, since wife knows i shower right when I come home... it's easy. there was a time i came back and our daughter was at her sister's and she is horny as tell... shoot... even better. that's a WAY HAPPIER ENDING! I dont do FS so that was great ending to it. Foreplay was already done. i haven't gone in a while but having the craving.. but im thinkin, should I spend my money there or save up for the new iphone!?

00

11.03.2012 14:39:31
I don't really feel any guilt after a HJ. I mean it's not a big deal. I never have FS or anything -- I would probably have a harder time with stuff if I was going out fucking these girls and then coming home. A HJ I consider to be like a medical issue. I need to release this cum inside me and I can't expect my wife to jack me off all day.

010

7Wood :
11.02.2012 10:34:04
I always try to schedule a lunch time appointment during the work week now that my wife is working days instead of evenings. That way I've got 3-4 hours afterwards before I get home so I am not still glowing from the experience (or the oil). Got to play it safe boys and the 3-4 hours makes it more likely I am ready in case called upon to perform that night. Would hate to have to give it up.

01

11.02.2012 08:27:48
jemini, If she's all that, let her lead you into an AMP. So at the least, you have deniability should she go nuts and blame you for going to the AMP. Play dumb and ask her what's the etiquette of being a HE customer. Let her tell you everything she knows, and avoid leading questions that will let her know that you've been doing this all along. Also avoid AMP where the girls remember you. She maybe a nympho and likes a lot a sex, but she can still go crazy on you when you least expect it.

10

jemini :
11.02.2012 02:58:17
Guys I just need to hear from your perspective after reading all of this...what would you say if your Girlfriend was the nympho and wanted it all the time, had the profile on Rubmaps, told you where you could both go to get DONE and was a swinger with you....would you still after 6 yrs hold off a week or more, go to the AMPs without her on the sly, etc??? Just need a reality check - be straight with me ;)

01

11.01.2012 19:54:37
This thread touches on "what to do when your wife's friend sees you leaving the MP." What I've done is buy a gift-certificate. I make sure they don't put a date on it. I've never had to use it, but I was planning on saying, "I'm putting together a gift basket for your Valentine's present." OR, "I bought this gift certificate at an estate sale for next to nothing and I was checking to see if they'll still honor it. I thought you might enjoy a good massage."

03

10.31.2012 19:41:20
Thomas, I must be married to your wife's sister. I'm in the same world as you. @Brome, count your lucky stars that you have a lady who is willing to share intimacy with you. It is women like those that Thomas and I have that send men to providers. By saying "I do", that doesn't mean "I do promise to become a monk". Physical needs are part of living, and they need to be taken care of. Also, makes one feel good, and it is nice to know that a woman is willing to share herself in that way, even if it is for money.

01

brome :
10.31.2012 12:17:24
All I can add is that this kind of deceit requires practice.It needs to be something you have worked through well in your head so you don't hesitate if taken by surprise. As for the sex at home part-I may be strange, but keeping my joint well lubricated with regular use just boosts my energy,and I can always close my eyes and be in the game.

01

10.31.2012 11:53:52
Demonio just be sure to be discreet with that mutual erotic AMP joints. You don't want her getting any ideas haha. Also, @Mongo I pm'ed you about an issue I was having with my account. my 987 account I can't log in to, so I had to use this 988 account. Please can you take a looksy for me? Thanks! You the best!

01

10.31.2012 06:24:18
I'm divorced(and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the universe), but I do have a GF. My GF knows I go to AMPs. She just doesn't know I get extras. The trick is, my GF and I go to legit AMPs together. We have four or five legit AMPs in our rotation. I'm retired, so it's not unusual for me to go get a massage while she's at work (she thinks I'm going to one of "our" parlors. At first she would say, "Getting a massage is our thing. Wait till Saturday or Sunday and we'll go together". I told her we could just go again together later. Now she doesn't even question it. I have talked to her about going to "one of those erotic AMPs I've heard about together and getting mutual HEs". I've even discussed it with a couple of my favorite providers and they're game. But, my GF is holding out. I'll convince her soon enough. She'd wearing down already :)

04

rivet :
10.30.2012 10:40:41
I feel for you Thomas. But yeah, it's cheaper to keep her.

00

10.29.2012 20:55:42
Being retired, I go to the AMP's during the day while my wife is at work. I spend my extra money (cash only) however my savings is getting low and the wife is asking how I am spending my money. I tell her it is my money and don't say anything else. I tell my wife I am at the gym or now I say the senior center for my 3 hours of free time from her calls. As Mongo says, deny everything if confronted. If found out, you will suffer the consequences based upon your wifes revenge. I monger because my marriage is weak and no sex for a long time. If the marriage ended today, I would not care. I can't afford to get a divorece at this time because it would cost me over $1,000,000 in lost assets and property, so I stay married. Keep you AMP far enough away from home, so your wife, friends or relatives won't find your car parked near the AMP and start calling your spouse. I did this mistake and my wife called me and asked me why I parked at this (unnamed store) while I was actually walking out of the AMP after getting an HE. I used to go to AMP's within a mile from my house but now I drive a minimum of 10 miles to see my AAMP and up to 19 miles to visit my AMP.

02

10.29.2012 19:20:59
Another alternative for the shower is...if you can afford to go to an AMP you can afford $10/month for a place like Planet Fitness. Use the showers at Planet Fitness to shower before you go and before you get home.

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